Big Idea: Healthy communication helps our relationships feel loved and safe. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face Him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world. 18 Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced His perfect love. 19 We love each other because He loved us first. 1 John 4:17-19 (NLT2) “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29 (NIV) Three Truths to Improve Your Communication. 1. Listen To Understand “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.” James 1:19-21 (NIV) Quick to Listen: Give full attention without distractions. Slow to Speak: Don’t rush to respond or interrupt. Slow to Anger: Hold back emotional reactions; process before responding. “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23-24 (NIV) Why am I escalating the issue? Why are they escalating the issue? 2. Asking Questions For Deeper Understanding “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 (NIV) “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV) My current need Their current need My Deeper need: To feel: loved, valued, wanted, safe, secure, in control, accepted, connected Their Deeper need: To feel: loved, valued, wanted, safe, secure, in control, accepted, connected “To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.” Proverbs 18:13 Practical Steps to Improve Listening: Make eye contact and set distractions aside (phones, TV). Ask clarifying questions like, “What I hear you saying is…” Practice empathetic responses: “That must have been hard for you.” Repeat back your understanding of their need until you get it right. 3. Resolve Conflict With Grace “Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8 (NLT2) “Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” Colossians 3:12-13 (NLT2) Where do I need to improve my understanding of others? I Will Listen To Understand By: Considering where the other person is coming from Asking questions for deeper understanding Resolving Conflict With Grace [This is only a guide – select the points you want to discuss.] Open your group with a prayer. Icebreaker: What is the funniest auto correct text you have sent someone? Big Idea: I will make grace the foundation for my relationships. Review remember verse: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 (NIV) Remember Verse How can this verse help make a foundation for grace in your relationships? Three Truths to Improve Your Communication. 1. Listen To Understand Family of Origin Coping Tools / Protectors Unpredictable Analytical Chaotic Controlling Dismissive Apathetic Abusive Explosive Strict People pleaser What kind of Family of Origin did you grow up in? How does that affect your communication skills? Read: James 1:19-21 What triggers you to be quick to speak or become angry? What helps you to listen better? What is something you could get rid of that would help you listen better to others? Read: Ephesians 4:2-3 What is the difference between a peacekeeper and a peacemaker? How can you become more humble and gentle in your next conflict? Read and then pray back this verse: Psalm 139:23-24 Is God pointing out an area that needs change? What causes you the most anxiety? Why do you sometimes find yourself escalating a conflict? 2. Asking Questions For Deeper Understanding Read: 1 Peter 3:7 Why is it important to live with understanding of each other? What is something you often overlook? Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Which attribute of love is most difficult for you to master? Why do you think that is? Which attribute does your family member need most? Spouse? Parents? Children? What is a current need in your relationship that has a deeper issue? How can you meet that need better? 3. Resolve Conflict With Grace Read Colossians 3:12-13 Which of the attributes listed would make the biggest impact on your relationships? Close in Prayer: Start praying. Be bold and pray specifically.