Ross Davie Our theme for 2021 is Breakthrough. As it is Valentine’s Day we felt to speak about Breakthroughs in Relationships. Many marriages and long term friendships have been placed under lots of pressure during Covid 19 due to social distancing and travel restrictions and lock downs, and even working and studying from home, and we would like to speak today into this essential area of relationships. Many have struggled with anxiety and fears. Genesis 1:27-28 So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. 28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number, fill the earth and subdue it. Marriage between a man and a woman is God’s idea for love, companionship, and for family. For those who are not presently married, God created us to live with healthy, loving relationships in families and communities. The enemy has fought ever since against God’s plan for marriage and family. I first saw Mary-Lyn at a Christian Concert in Nambour when I was 19, and immediately felt a physical and emotional attraction. I was fairly shy and took a long time before I invited her out on a picnic after church. She was also nervous and invited along her friends. Our Communication and Relationship did get better and grow stronger, and we were married 3 years later when I was 22 and Mary-Lyn was 21. Mary-Lyn and I have been married for 41 years next month. It has been an exciting, fulfilling and occasionally challenging journey. We chose to follow Jesus in our late teens and to live by His Word and His ways in our marriage and family. The blessing and rewards have been great. I would like to invite Mary-Lyn, my beautiful wife and faithful friend, loving mother/grandmother, and a great pastor to come and share some great insight on stages of relationships. Mary-Lyn Davie OUR STORY. When we were first dating, Ross nearly walked in front of a cane train with his eyes locked onto me, when I was 20yrs. Then a short time later, he walked across four lanes of traffic without looking and staring at me. On a regular basis I would make sure I just happened to be standing in front of my workplace so I could wave to Ross as he drove past on his way to work. UNDERSTANDING THE FIVE STAGES OF RELATIONSHIPS In a group like this, there will be many people in different stages and seasons in their life. Single,or single again: either by divorce or the death of your loved one. Married some a short while, and others for a long time. Wherever you are today, it's always good to grow in our understanding of relationships, Because we are all in some form of relationship all throughout life. For those who are single, Have you ever wondered why your relationships don’t go beyond the dating stage? Or break off after six months? Don’t despair; God has blessings ahead for you LONGEVITY IN RELATIONSHIPS DON'T JUST HAPPEN Relationships need two people to understand each other, and communicate with each other. Today we want to talk about five stages of romantic relationships. STAGE ONE; ROMANTIC ATTRACTION Knowing about the five stages in a relationship can help you understand your feelings about your partner and your relationship. STAGE ONE might also be called the fantasy phase or honeymoon stage because your boyfriend or girlfriend can seem perfect during this time. The romance and attraction stage is when you can't think straight when they're around, and you lose your appetite. How long this phase lasts varies, but it can be anywhere from a few months to about two years. On average, phase one lasts about three months. This stage is a lot of fun, but is not sustainable. People who are constantly changing partners are often trying to remain in this stage. Conflict is avoided - Conflict is not only avoided in this stage but seems like it will never happen to us. Know that it's natural to lose those early romantic feelings, but something much deeper awaits you in a later stage. To advance through the relationship stages requires communication and hard work. But it is worth the effort when you find the right person to share the journey with. STAGE TWO; REALITY SETS IN This stage often will begin to creep in slowly during your relationship, but can sometimes happen all at once. The reality phase typically lasts about six months, or as long as it takes for both of you to decide you want to stay together. This is often where relationships end because one person may decide they've picked the wrong person. But if you can accept each other's imperfections, you can progress to the next level. Healthy relationships: You understand that it's natural to see flaws in your partner or behaviors you just don't like. It doesn't mean that you are no longer in love, but that you are beginning to see that your partner is not perfect after all. In the early stages of romance attraction, you have many endorphins running through your body that give you that “high” sensation. Your body can't keep this up forever, and so in this stage your elation begins to level off. You wonder if you are still in love. The relationship doesn't seem like as much of a fantasy as before. But...You are on your way to a healthy relationship. STAGE THREE ‘REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS’ How do you adjust your expectations? By lifting your appreciation; and lowering expectation of each other! What began as reality setting in during stage two often turns to disappointment in stage three. Couples at this stage spend about a year working out their differences in an effort to get to a place of stability. If you're able to communicate in healthy ways and see positive progress, you're likely to move to the next phase. The problems presented in stage three are: Learning to fight fair - How? Avoid using sweeping statememts like ‘you always’ 'you never' and keeping records of past disapointments. Some couples believe that arguments are bad, but they are angry at each other anyway. Some of the anger can be over trivial things such as small differences, or annoying habits between you i.e leaving dirty clothes on the floor. Since you don't realize that conflict can be healthy, you wonder if this relationship is doomed. In fact, some people have thoughts of breaking up or getting divorced at this stage. But, with strong communication, trust, and the ability to work as a team, you can advance to the next stage. All couples experience this phase of disappointment. It occurs when you are beginning to get to know each other; it is an important relationship step to go through. BY HIGHLIGHTING THE LOVE YOU HAVE IN THIS STAGE: Focusing on your similarities and not concentrating of their weaknesses Look for the good in your spouse, and what you can respect in his or her life, spend time together - You are in love, after all, dream, plan and compromise PRAY over your future together. STAGE FOUR: STABILITY If a couple can navigate through the unstable waters of stage three and adjust their expectations they will find stage four offers much rest, enjoyment and stability. Couples spend roughly two years feeling stable before progressing into the final stage of COMMITMENT. As a couple, you now have history together, and you have been able to work through some differences. The fantasy of stage one is gone, but you have accepted this. Yes, you have differences and you sometimes disagree, but because you love each other, and feel connected to him/her, you can work through any future conflicts. You may, however, feel a little bored at times as the chase is definitely over but if you plan dates, have fun together, you will be able to relax and enjoy each other's company for years. STAGE FIVE: COMMITMENT Sadly not every couple makes it this far, even couples who are married. In this stage, you are truly a TEAM and have progressed through the five stages of love. If dating, this is the stage where you can get MARRIED and feel comfortable with that decision. THIS IS THE STAGE OF MATURE, STABLE LOVE, THAT CAN LAST A LIFETIME. Milestones include: You have chosen to be with your partner, flaws and all. You no longer miss the romance stage. You can negotiate and come to agreement. You have a vision for the future together as a couple. Knowing about the five stages in a relationship can help you understand your feelings about your partner and your relationship. Know it is natural to lose those early romantic feelings, but something much deeper awaits you in a later stage. To advance through the relationship stages requires communication and hard work. But it is worth the effort when you find the right person to share the journey with. To recap: Romantic attraction Reality sets in. Realistic Expectations Stability Committment THE BLESSING OF COVENANT Genesis 2:24 ‘That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh’. ECC 4:12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. YOU, ME AND JESUS Prayer and worship hold your hearts together. One flesh relationship Our sexual relationship is very important in marriage to strengthen our love and commitment to each other. All relationships need forgiveness. It's like weeding the garden of your relationship. God wants to bless you with loving, healthy relationships. **Ross Davie ** Genesis 2:24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Ecclesiastes 4:12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. John 13:34-35(TPT) So I give you now a new commandment: Love each other just as much as I have loved you. 35 For when you demonstrate the same love I have for you by loving one another, everyone will know that you’re my true followers.” Luke 10:27(TPT) You must love the Lord God with all your heart, all your passion, all your energy, and your every thought. And you must love your neighbor as well as you love yourself. Some people struggle to love and accept themselves. This severely hinders their ability to love and accept others and to build healthy and strong relationships. Often they sabotage their relationships before they are rejected. Book suggestion to read: 5 love languages by Gary Chapman Inclusive of the five communication languages of love including affirming words, quality time, gifts, acts of service and physical touch. Good Communication is essential for a good marriage and for every healthy relationship and speaking the truth in love. Being emotionally honest with yourself and with others. Listening and asking empowering questions, don’t try and solve every problem. Ask yourselves, ‘is it a problem to solve, or a tension to manage’? Learning to build trust. Become a trustworthy person. Reliable, consistent, be faithful to your marriage vows, or to your friendship commitment. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Dealing with Rejection and building trust. Undealt emotions, and unrealistic expectations. Sow lots of good seeds in your relationship, and weed the garden regularly. Jesus heals the brokenhearted, sets the captives free. Prayer for freedom from fear and rejection. Hope for the future of your relationship.