Song of Songs: Conflict as an Invitation If you’re new to Lifepoint | Worthington, take 30 seconds to fill out our Welcome Card! Have a question about today's message? Ask it here. Song of Songs 5:2-6 (ESV) 2 I slept but my heart was awake. Listen! My beloved is knocking: “Open to me, my sister, my darling, my dove, my flawless one. My head is drenched with dew, my hair with the dampness of the night.” 3 I have taken off my robe— must I put it on again? I have washed my feet— must I soil them again? 4 My beloved thrust his hand through the latch-opening; my heart began to pound for him. 5 I arose to open for my beloved, and my hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with flowing myrrh, on the handles of the bolt. Introduction Song of Songs is a collection of ancient Hebrew love poetry. Poetry as a literary genre is abstract, layered, and open to interpretation. We view this book through the lens of "The Architects Model". The Horizontal aspect reveals practical truths about our human relationships. The Vertical aspect acts as a model for the divine, passionate love that God has for His people. The Dream of Missed Connection This sequence points to the anxiety stemming from a failure to connect. Behind her locked door, she was naked, clean, and fully herself. There is something deeply unsettling about allowing ourselves to be truly vulnerable. Have a question or pushback on this? Ask it here. Understanding Shame vs. Guilt Shame is an emotion that encourages you to hide a part of yourself from others for fear of how they will respond. In doing so, we come to believe we are defined by the thing we are hiding and therefore unloveable. “Guilt is adaptive and helpful—it’s holding something we’ve done or failed to do up against our values and feeling psychological discomfort.” — Brene Brown Guilt is a helpful and healthy response to sin in our lives. Guilt says, “I lied and I need to confess that.” Shame says, “I am a liar… and because I'm a liar, I'm a bad person.” Shame may show up as a fear of being vulnerable, a defensive spirit, or perfectionism. Shame forces us into isolation, where sin and insecurity grow. Back to the Garden In Genesis 2:25, Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. God Himself is both relational and vulnerable. “Vulnerability is not just a random state of neediness or openness to danger. It is built into the cosmic fabric of the world to provide the opportunity for discovery and creation, and for the emergence of beauty and goodness.” — Curt Thompson, Soul of Shame When sin entered the world, the man and woman felt the shame of nakedness and hid. Even amid the sting of rejection, God loves them and provides a cover for their shame. Letting God In: Vertical Architecture Like the lover, God is knocking at the door to the room in all of our hearts. “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.” — Revelation 3:20 Many of us keep God at an arms length because we fear what it might mean to let Him in. “We cannot stand as impostors before Him for even one second. He instructs us down to the very last detail. The Spirit of God uncovers our spirit of self-vindication and makes us sensitive to things that we have never even thought of before.” — Oswald Chambers Shame attempts to keep the door locked by convincing us that God will meet us with watchman abuse, not a lover's embrace. In spite of her insecurity, the woman is reminded that her missed opportunity is not the end of their story. “But if this is a Savior who draws near to us, who is repelled only by self-righteousness but never by acknowledged shame and weakness, there is no limit to just how deep a transformation is possible in us.” — Dane Ortlund Practical Application: Navigating Conflict Deeper Vulnerability is the Key to Managing Conflict Effectively. Cultivate intimacy with God by creating habits of a real relationship: time, space, confession, and repentance. Believing God has made a way in Christ frees us to take healthy steps toward our spouse. Demonstrating the Gospel in Conflict Starts With You We believe in a God who vulnerably moved toward us in Christ and hung naked on the cross. When you get in an argument, make the first move toward forgiveness and reconciliation. You do not have to lay yourself bare to someone who responds like a watchman. Safety and trust are built over time. Have a question or pushback on this? Ask it here. Conflict Acts as a Check-Engine Light Pride, defensiveness, and blame-shifting are usually symptoms of something much more insidious below the surface. When you adopt an attitude where winning arguments is the primary goal, both you and your spouse lose. A humble curiosity toward our own behaviors allows conflict to be an invitation to deeper healing. Know When To Seek Help Shame will keep you from seeking the help you need to address the challenges you face. Healing from your grief and shame can only be found when you let God in and refuse to stay in isolation. As always, if you'd like to talk more with me about anything we discussed, you can sign up for meeting time.